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Grant Prettyman 11/10/22 Grant Prettyman 11/10/22

Holiday Survival

I love to entertain and have a house full of guest. Rick and I would start planning early. He would decorate the outside and I would do the inside. Like all couples, I did the shopping but we would joke, he was mt last minute man. I could always count on him to run to the store numerous times to get that one ingredient that I forgot. He would laugh and never complain.

Dear Spouse and Caregiver,

I hope that you all had a wonderful week and have found time for yourselves. We are starting to enter the holiday season and my typical activities have changed.

I love to entertain and have a house full of guest. Rick and I would start planning early. He would decorate the outside and I would do the inside. Like all couples, I did the shopping but we would joke, he was my last minute man. I could always count on him to run to the store numerous times to get that one ingredient that I forgot. He would laugh and never complain.

The holidays have changed since Rick had the stroke, his desire to fully participate has left but he still loves when the kids and grandkids arrive. The first year after the stroke, I set myself up. I was convinced that the holidays didn’t need to change - I could do it all.

I did my best but by January 2, I was tired, crabby and depressed that it didn’t go as planned. So this year, I have a much simpler plan.

Holiday Survival Plan

Review what you want to give. After the year we had, the gift of being together is so much more important than the latest gadget. I was worried that the family would be upset with the change - they were thrilled.
·Shop early and wrap those gifts when you bring them home. This has helped with the last minute crazy of wrapping and also keeping track of what you bought. Every Christmas, I would always have a gift tucked away that I forgot.
Instead of gifts, give experiences. With Rick’s limitations and health scare, memories made will last longer than a gift.
Others love to entertain as well. Be gracious and enjoy the holidays at another’s home. It is a gift to them to be able to celebrate with you.
Decorations at the house. This year, Rick will be supervising the outside lights. Plan a family day to decorate, serve chile and dessert. This will be a new tradition.
Plan for naps. Schedule the holiday celebrations to include rest. Rick can handle about 2 hours at a time in larger groups.
Do not over plan. Not every tradition from the past needs to be carried over. Really, How many cookies do I need to bake and eat? Does dinner need to be a sit down dinner or appetizers through out the day? Do you need to see everyone over those few days? Spread out visits and fun over a longer period of time so that everyone can enjoy.
Lastly, the season is not about what you did but rather the birth of Jesus. Celebrate the love He provides and be grateful for all of your blessings.

Welcome

Welcome to my journey and I am excited that you will be joining me. My plan is to post every week with a new topic. I would love to hear your concerns and questions that I can help to address in this blog. Sign up for my newsletter so I can be a support that has been right there in the front lines with you.

With love from spouse to spouse,

Grant Prettyman 11/3/22 Grant Prettyman 11/3/22

What do I need to know?

I have been the spouse of a stroke survivor for about two years. On the day that Rick had a stroke, I could not see past the crisis. I was angry, sad and frightened. My world was falling apart and I had no idea what to do. As a nurse, I knew all the medical aspects and that really helped to navigate the medical care and decisions that need to be made but it did not prepare me for the emotional aspect of being the spouse.

Dear Spouse and Caregiver,

Every experience is different but what I learned and experienced, I feel will help you and your friends and family better navigate the journey. During the first phase of Rick’s care being in the hospital and not knowing from day to day the outcome was very difficult. Waiting on the doctor’s every word for some positive news is exhausting. They always asked “Do you have any questions?” As a nurse, I knew what to ask but I saw many family members at a loss and would just thank the team for what they received.

What should I ask the MD?

· What type of stroke has your loved one had?

· What is the extent of damage?

· What part of the brain was impacted? What does that mean?

· What is the plan of care?

What milestones are we looking for?

What can I expect in the first 24 hours and 48 hours?

Someone in the United States has a stroke every 40 seconds. Every 4 minutes, someone dies of a stroke. Every year, more than 795,000 people in the United States have a stroke and 795,000 caregivers are born.

When Rick experienced his stroke, so did I.

Although your life has come to a halt and you are living moment by moment, the world continues, your bills need to be paid, decisions made, and the feeling of being alone without your loved one being able to participate is heart breaking.

The caregiver is the neglected/forgotten stepchild in our society when a spouse suffers a health crisis, and he/she needs information, support, and resources to heal from the event so that the couple can establish a fulfilling, even joyful new normal.

Welcome

With love from spouse to spouse,

Grant Prettyman 10/22/22 Grant Prettyman 10/22/22

The Journey Begins

Your head is spinning, and you are unsure what is next. I have been that spouse in the waiting room chair looking around the room thinking “How the heck did I end up here?” Unsure of what is happening to your loved one and what if any future you will have together.

Dear Spouse and Caregiver,

“Something is very wrong!”

Those 4 words changed my life from a spouse to a caregiver and took me on a journey that I was not prepared to handle or didn’t want to handle. I had plans for my future, and it sure did not include caregiving. Over the next year and half, together we went from being near death in the ICU to learning to walk and adjust to Rick’s new limitations.

Will I be a widow or a wife?

This was a constant thought. At first, the concern was would he live each day but as time passed the meaning of being a widow changed. In so many ways, we had to grieve the lost of our planned life and our current marriage dynamics. I soon learned that never being alone does not prevent the grief or the loneliness.

We as spouses and caregivers need to walk the journey together.

Very little support was available to help me through this transition. Family and friends love and care but after time they will move on. This is not a negative but a way of life. With this website and upcoming book “Season of Change” I hope to be able to better help you navigate the practical needs of a caregiver, provide support of your fears, your spiritual frustrations and care for yourself.

Anger and resentment

Anger and resentment is a real emotion that we all need to address. I was angry at the world and with God. Over the last 2 years, I have developed some positive coping strategies to those feelings and developed a life that, not ideal, is satisfying.

Welcome

Welcome to my journey and I am excited that you will be joining me. My plan is to post every Wednesday with a new topic. I would love to hear your concerns and questions that I can help to address in this blog. Sign up for my newsletter so I can be a support that has been right there in the front lines with you.

With love from spouse to spouse,